Prince Albert Highlanders Pipes & Drums

P.A. Caledonian Society Robert Burns Suppers

Toast to the Lassies...by Michael McLaughlan

I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me; my firm, trim body or my intellect. She said, "Your sense of humour dear." In writing this toast to the lassies, I couldn't help but notice the differences between lads and lassies, not the obvious differences that make them so pleasing to the eye, but the more subtle differences, such as: - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Men believe they have the last word in arguments, but actually women have the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. - A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 and a man would not be able to identify most of these items. - And finally, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and best friends and favourite foods and secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. But regardless of the differences that separate men and women, we are not complete without them and I have prepared the following toast, with the assistance of the same muse that aided Robbie Burns. A Toast to the Lassies Gentlemen, please rise... Together we stand, here in praise For the women around us and in our days, Like Robert Burns, he once knew That we love our lassies, though he had more than a few When in our arms, they bring us untold pleasure These are our lassies, for they are a true treasure, We seek to marry them, it is said For nothing more than to get them to ... wed. They feed our spirit, they feed our soul For many of us, they fill our bowl. They care for us, they keep us well Though occasionally, they make it feel like ... heaven. They teach us manners, they teach us style, For many of us, that takes quite a while. They improve with age, while we do not For that is clear, looking at you lot. For the parcel of rogues, I see here tonight, It is truly amazing, our lassies don't take flight, For they put up with our habits, and we have all sorts, Such as control of the remote and our preoccupation with sports. For our lassies we would walk five hundred miles, It must be because, of their feminine wiles. Over heathery mountain and scroggy glen We seek them out now and then. But, Tonight we stand, here in praise, So join me lads, let your voices raise. Prepare to toast, fill up your glasses, Join me now, to our bonnie lasses. To the Lasses !